In front of him are pieces of paper on the floor, representing his father, mother, and four grandparents. It is an almost closed circle with the \u2018eyes\u2019 turned inward.<\/p>\n
The young father walks around with the piece of paper with his own name on it, and says: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t fit in here\u2026\u201d and he puts it two meters away from the circle, looking the other way.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, that\u2019s right, I am the odd one out,\u201d he says when he sits down again.<\/p>\n
I ask him about events in his family history that have made an impact.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, we never talk about it. But what I can remember, is that my father was unable to work, and he had at least seven burn-out when I was still living at home. No idea what caused it. And when I got ill myself, I had hoped I could talk to him about it. But he closed up like an oyster. Now that I have a son myself, I can\u2019t understand how you can close yourself off to your son like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
I let him speak it out aloud: \u201cDad, I miss you.\u201d<\/p>\n
He says it and immediately follows it with: \u201cI am really mad at him!\u201d<\/p>\n
Then I try the next sentence: \u201cDad, I\u2019d rather be angry with you than feel my own sadness.\u201d<\/p>\n
He doesn\u2019t want to say it and in the meantime I wonder if I can achieve anything with this man.<\/p>\n
I get a piece of paper and write something on it: \u2018The real reason for Dad\u2019s burn-out\u2019.<\/em> I ask him to give it a place somewhere. The piece of paper ends up right next to the chair he is sitting on.<\/p>\n \u201cIt doesn\u2019t bother me,\u201d he says, wiping his hands on his pants.<\/p>\n Now I let him speak: \u201cDad, I\u2019ll carry it.\u201d<\/p>\n Yes, but I don\u2019t want to!<\/p>\n \u201cIt looks as if your hands are weeping, as long as you don\u2019t feel any sadness.\u201d It slips out. He looks at me in surprise. \u201cYou get sweaty hands, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n I ask him to stand up and take the piece of paper with \u2018The real reason for Dad\u2019s burn-out\u2019 in his hands and I make him say: \u201cDad, I have carried your fate for you for 32 years. But it\u2019s your fate. I\u2019m going to let it be your fate.\u201d<\/p>\n He continues to stand there with the piece of paper in his hands and stays silent for 10 minutes. He keeps standing there, with the piece of paper in his hands.<\/p>\n After 10 minutes, I say: \u201cYou want to be more available to your son than your father was to you, right?\u201d<\/p>\n He nods, with his eyes to the ground.<\/p>\n \u201cTell your son later, that you stood here with a piece of paper in your hands for ten minutes, or maybe fifteen minutes, because you did not dare to allow your father to carry his own fate.\u201d<\/p>\n He wipes his hands on his pants again and mumbles: \u201cPff, this is such a struggle!\u201d<\/p>\n After 15 minutes he finally puts the piece of paper down in the middle of the circle, right in front of his dad and in front of his grandparents. He sits down, exhausted, and rubs his hands. I can hear them sopping. \u201cThey\u2019re really weeping huh?\u201d I ask him. \u201cYes\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n I silently gesture him to turn his chair around and tell him: \u201cNow you are in the here and now, the past is behind you, and the future in front of you. As long as you keep walking around with the fate of your father, your son will not be able to find you in the here and now.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In front of him are pieces of paper on the floor, representing his father, mother, and four grandparents. It is an almost closed circle with the \u2018eyes\u2019 turned inward. The […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[189,117],"Themas":[630],"Onderwerp":[639,640],"class_list":["post-11290","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal-theme","category-other","Themas-personal","Onderwerp-experiences","Onderwerp-family-constellations"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n