Your family system as a resource

To a very large extent, the family system determines the essence of every human being. Soberly speaking, you are thrown into the world and then you exist. Period. But then who are you? That essence of our being can be traced back to the family system.

About the family system

You can think of a system as a group, within which the rules and frameworks are different from those outside it. We are all part of groups, that is, systems.

You are born into your family’s system without consciously choosing it. Later you end up in all kinds of other systems: a class, a sports club, a team in an organization, a region, a country, society. All systems in themselves, which in turn are part of a larger system.

The origins of who we are and the unconscious patterns we carry into our lives can be traced back to all these systems – and the family system in particular. After all, that is what we are inseparable members of.

The influence of the family system in the birth of a child

Every person has parents of their own. Whether you know them or not, whether they play a present role in your life or not. When you are born, you are born of a father and a mother. You are 50/50 from them. And your parents, in turn, are that of their parents.

Through that line not only is life passed on, but also everything that is known or experienced by those before you. All that life wisdom you also have and is passed on through epigenetic provisions in your DNA. Thus, your family system makes you who you are already at birth. Even if you are adopted or the child of a donor. The body knows, even if the head doesn’t.

The role of the family system during life

In addition, there is the source of the family system as it has been lived to you. Both from previous generations and from your own biographical life, there are elements that determine how you live now. If you go to the layers you know, you may recognize things. This is the way my father or mother did it. Or precisely because they did it that way, I don’t do it that way. That can be a conscious source.

At the same time, this layer of the family system has an unconscious source or loyalty. You are unconsciously taught what is common behavior in your family. And you have a great loyalty to your family system. This includes a survival mechanism that makes it very important to continue to belong somewhere.

Sometimes you may want to decide to do things completely differently. For example, you want to raise your children differently than your parents did. Yet you then often find later that you still do the same thing. Then you can ask yourself, where does that come from? Is that epigenetic and you can’t do it differently? Or do you perhaps belong more to your angry father when you are angry yourself?

Actually doing things differently requires two things:

1. The realization: I want things to be different.
2. I stop wishing my (for) parents had done things differently. How they did it made me exactly how I am, so I can feel gratitude for my (for) parents.

When you can encapsulate that your life is the way it is, and take that with lack and pain, you can look from there to see how you can take your own path more fully.

Discovering your family system

Often people have been searching within themselves for a long time for solutions to their personal issues. But because our family system has such a great influence on our life and being, many answers lie not within ourselves, but in the family system. The way of (over)living of our ancestors is often the source of patterns that you experience as squeezing now.

It can be a huge eye opener and a liberating energy when you can recognize and place unconscious patterns. Systemic work focuses on these unconscious patterns. A family constellation can make connections between past and present. When those unconscious patterns come into your awareness, choices arise, where previously you were guided by the unconscious patterns.

In a family constellation, a systemic facilitator makes those unconscious patterns and dynamics visible. We use all the information stored in the body. It is very special how representatives pick up exactly that information in a family constellation. With different insights, the facilitator then tries to create space with you for a new movement or change. With knowledge about your family system you can approach your issues in a very different way.