Nunchi. What silence tells us

The art of feeling what remains invisible.

In the Western world, we often forget to use the bodily wisdom we learn to use in systemic work. Your body tells you so much more, yet we often only act on information gathered through our minds. However, we can gather information with our senses – information that your body can pick up, but isn’t actually yours. Trainer Dagmar de Vries learned the name for this sense from Janneke Höweler, who was adopted from Korea: nunchi! Together they wrote this blog post about it.

In systemic work, it’s often about what’s not being said. It’s about sensing what’s moving in a group, even when no one is expressing it. We usually rely on our minds; we use our bodies less effectively. Yet, they’re constantly telling us something.

In Dutch, this doesn’t have a name. In Korean, it does: nunchi. It’s the art of understanding silence. Of sensing what happens between people precisely when no one is speaking. Janneke told me how she learned this as a child. Not through words, but in everyday life. Her grandmother’s soft, warning look. The silence after a sentence that fell flat. Waiting for the right person to speak first. That’s how nunchi was woven into her body. Gently. Naturally.

Nunchi makes you feel the undercurrent. You enter a room and in a split second, you sense something is off. Before anyone even says a word, you know. It’s a quality you develop. A skill that becomes increasingly refined. Nunchi isn’t a trick or a strategy. It’s a compass that lets you sense how you relate to the other person. When to speak and when to remain silent. That’s how the relationship flows. That’s how the connection stays alive.

Nunchi in systemic work

In systemic work you learn to use this ability more consciously. Your body is already reading the room. Sometimes your breath catches for a moment. You feel tension in your shoulders. Perhaps warmth drains from your abdomen or a coldness takes its place. These are signs that something is shifting in the field.
With nunchi you’ll notice immediately. You enter a group and someone withdraws. The words sound light, but the silence feels heavy. At that moment, you sense whether waiting is better or whether now is the time to ask. That refined timing keeps the connection open.

Systemic work is about the whole. Nunchi helps jou feel the whole. It’s not just about the voices themselves, but about the threads that connect them. Not about the order of words, but about the underlying order. Thus, what was previously hidden becomes visible. Imagine if we taught children from an early age to listen to that silence, so they can feel what is happening in a class or family without judgement but with clarity.

This is not vague or spiritual, but useful and very valuable. Especially now that we work more often in groups where the natural order is not always tangible.
The invitation remains simple and large at the same time: develop your nunchi! Look with gentle eyes. Be present with your body. Realize that you are part of the whole. Everything is felt. Even if no one says so.