Systemic coaching is like muscle training

As a systemic coach, I am aware of and train four different muscle groups.

My first muscle group is my attitude. Without assumption and judgment, I open myself

up to the different systems that the client is bound in. I make space within myself for everything; the good events, the bad events, the painful events and for everything and everybody that has been lost or denied in the system. I do this while I remain rooted in my own system.

I am aware of and train another muscle group: My clear perception. What do I see when I look at the client? Facial expression, breathing, complexion, body language, tone of voice etc.

I am aware of and train yet another muscle group: My body sensations. What am I experiencing while I listen and perceive the client? How is my breathing? Where in my body do I feel tension or pressure? What word or sentence wants to come out of my mouth? How do I experience the space between me and the client? What do I perceive there?

And I also train and use my brain; my knowledge of social systems. What I do know about social systems is that they want to be complete. Everybody and everything has a right to belong in a system. A system flourishes when there is an exchange. When a system reaches its destiny, the flow will stop. So where in the question of the client, is the problem a solution for the system? What patterns or dynamics are hidden in the issue of the client?

And with this attitude, systemic perception in myself and what I perceive from the client and with my systemic knowledge, I sit next to the client.

I listen and ask questions: In which system is the issue relevant? How long has this issue existed? Is there a repetition of the pattern?

I listen and ask questions: What are the possible patterns as a solution from the system? Are the systemic principles of belonging, order, exchange and destiny not in place in the system?

I listen and ask questions: What are the benefits of having this pattern? What qualities were gained?

I listen and ask questions: What are the costs of having this pattern? Where does is benefit and where does it no stop benefiting the client?

I think of a suitable intervention: Maybe a question, maybe a drawing, maybe a constellation in the mind or a constellation with teacups on the table. Maybe something else.

I listen and ask questions: What movement wants to be made or which step wants to be taken by the client?

I listen and ask questions: In what new way is the client probably connected from now on in his/her system(s)?

Then, I’m often quiet, in order to wait for the client to make that movement from within.

And then I say: “Kloar”. Which, in Groningen, means DONE!

So I hope to meet you in our systemic gym, where we can train all these muscle groups.

Yvonne Lonis

Bert Hellinger Institute, The Netherlands